Roses are red Violets are blue I'm the only one posting Boo Hoo
funny
A place for jokes and humor. Only jokes that are "RATED G" will be permitted...
Banana Spider Blues
Posted by eagleswings
hi, I'm Benjamin Banana Spider. It's been quite a week. A few days ago, I decided to leave my lonely banana tree and find a new home. Not far from the tree I found this cute little house. I...
Daffy Flower Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Daffy Spring Flower Definitions. Johnny-Jump-Up--That obnoxious kid Johnny who lives next door who always shows up uannounced, and rings your doorbell the minute you begin to take a shower. HYdrang...
Daffy Frog Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Daffy Frog Definitions Croquette--A female frog. Rib-it, rib-it--How frogs order at BBQs. Ponderer--The term used for a frog who thinks deeply. Reed--What frogs do when they go to frog public libra...
Daffy Definitions...for musicians
Posted by eagleswings
Don't encourage the crazy lady, Smiles, or you'll get more Daffy D's. :) Daffy Definitions...for musicians... Allegro--Like what happened to Pinnochio's nose except every time you t...
Daffy Decoration Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Daffy Decoration Definitions Tinsel Gretel's other brother. Tree stand--A hand stand done by an athletic Christmas tree. Ornament--A nasty comment made by an ornery person. Stocking--Something ...
Tom Turkey
Posted by eagleswings
Tom Turkey here. It's that time of year again. Millions of defenseless, helpless, innocent turkey birds will meet their inevitable violent end this thanksgiving. That's why I'm hiding o...
The Big Dipper
Posted by eagleswings
The Big Dipper here. In the last few years there's been a show on ABC TV called "Dancing with the Stars". I just wanted to say that as a group of stars with centuries of experience unde...
Phrases Historical Figures Might Have Said Napoleon--"Shortly? Of course, I'm leaving for Russia shortly!" Cleopatra--"Alright, if you can't get ahold of Roto-Rooter, at least g...
Daffy Baby Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Daffy Baby Definitions: For Eastwind & Hawkwing; Jemila & Sonworshiper Bassinet--An Italian fishing term for a net with which to catch Bass. Diaper--A cat who plays dice at a casino. Stroll...
Animal Math
Posted by eagleswings
Animals and Math--Who's Good at What Kind? Rabbits--Multiplication and addition Elephants, Manatees, Whales-Mass and Volume Alligators & Crocodiles--Subtraction Giraffes--Measuring lengths ...
Favorite Scriptures of the Lord's Creatures (inspired by the post in Talk Story about MC-ers' favorite animals) Armadillo--"Put on the whole armor of God..." (Eph. 6: 11) Dog--"...
Modern Nursery Rhymes
Posted by eagleswings
Humpty Dumpty sat "crunch" on his cell phone Humpty Dumpty like E.T. tried phoning home But, neither Verizon, nor AT & T Could put his phone back together, oh woe is Humpty! Jack Sprat ...
Dentists' Favorite Things
Posted by eagleswings
While visiting the dentist yesterday, I began to think of what might be the "favorite things" of those men and women who dig around in our teeth, and help us to be free of dental caries and...
Claude Snail
Posted by eagleswings
It's taken me forever to post, but allow me to introduce myself. Claude Snail's the name. My mother named me Claude because it rhymes with plod, and she said the Creator planned to use my l...
Garden Variety Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Garden Variety Definitions Hardy Mums--Mothers who work out at the gym pumping iron. Gladiolas--How to say: "Hello, happy to see you" in Spanish. Roses--The past tense of rises. Jackamanni-...
The Old Princess
Posted by eagleswings
In days of olde there was an old princess. She'd been around for a very long time. There had been only one suitor who had been interested in her, but he only wanted her considerable dowry, a cr...
Still more daffy definitions
Posted by eagleswings
profound--A golfing professional who consistently retrieves his golf balls successfully. hospital--Hos' Cartwright's annoying habit of chewing tobacco and then spewing it out onto the groun...
Cool Man, Cool.
Posted by eagleswings
Hi. A.C. Unit here. I'd like to talk with you tonite about keeping your air conditioner happy and content. Certain MC-ers seem to think they can mistreat us air conditioners by running us all d...
This was sent to me by my blonde aunt
Posted by ayden
Blonde Cookbook Diary Sunday It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. Monday ...
a man walks into a fishmonger's carrying a salmon under his arm. do you make fishcakes? he asks. of course says the fishmonger oh good says the man, its his birthday
Nothin' But Bull
Posted by ayden
Another email: A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "...
How do you...
Posted by ayden
catch a unique rabbit? You neek up on 'im. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Dhe tame way. How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you shoot a white elephant? You choke...
Osama, yo momma!
Posted by Smiles
EW2's Reactions to the MC Upgrade: a Chronology You want to do what???????? What if my browser won't support the new software? Don't worry, EW2. It'll be okay. I'm going to chil...
Wacky Business Names
Posted by eagleswings
Wacky Business Names Dunkin' Doggies--Dog washing and grooming business. Pizza Hut Hut Hut--Pizza parlor for quarterbacks. Windy's--Burger place for people who pass gas frequently, and refu...
Glossary for Gluttons
Posted by eagleswings
Gourmet Glossary for Gluttons Exercise--A futile promise you make to yourself that you'll never keep. Diet--Something you'll do after you eat your fries, shake and Whopper. Motivation--Like...
Last Census Qs
Posted by eagleswings
Last Census Qs... Check one and be HONEST! Eagleswings is a lousy comedy writer and joke teller. ( ) Yes, she should be banned from the Comedy Club--she really is a no-talent. ( ) No, have a heart,...
More Census Questions
Posted by eagleswings
More Census Questions How many members of the House and Senate does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ( ) Republicans are still debating whether or not a lightbulb is necessary, how much it will ult...
Census Questions
Posted by eagleswings
Census Questions You'll Never See Have you ever falsified, defaced or refused to disclose your birth certificate? Check one: ( ) Yes ( ) No ( ) Taking the 5th For illegal aliens only: How many ...
The Little Ink Stain
Posted by eagleswings
The Little Ink Stain It wasn't my fault. The cat tipped my bottle over and I got so startled and scared that I ran. I didn't run far though because I was stopped by a couple of Kleenexes le...
Reverse Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Reverse Definitions An anesthetized rabbit--Ether Bunny An e-harmony.com blind date that went wrong.--Inundated Fun stuff you write on a friend's cast after a broken leg is set.--Overcast The s...
Cleaning Poem I asked the Lord to tell me > Why my house is such a mess. > He asked if I'd been 'computering', > And I had to answer 'yes.' He said, "Get off your ...
Feet or tweet?
Posted by eagleswings
Then there was the lonely guy whose apartment was too quiet and who loved music. So he thought that if he bought a parakeet it would be great company, sing, and that would cure his loneliness. So h...
Don't Try This At Home
Posted by ayden
Got this in my email. The idea of it was just too funny to keep to myself. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th ann...
definition of seminar "Seminar is defined as a process in which 1 person spoils his sleep for days in an effort to make other sleep for a few minutes"
THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER This one is a little different... . Two Different Versions.... ......... .... Two Different Morals OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, ...
How do we....
Posted by His
How do we know God keeps His promises? . . . . . . . He CROSSed His Heart! (ok- so it was a children's ministry night...)
She Fooled Them! (a blonde joke)
Posted by ayden
A blonde tells her friend about a website that she's joined. The friend asks what kind of registration information she'll have to give. The blonde tells her, "Oh, you know, your name, y...
More Daffy Defs
Posted by eagleswings
More Daffy Definitions regurgitates--An irritated person who grrrrrrs, grrrrrrs again, and obsessively thinks about grrrrrring. Vancouver--A place where it only refuses to snow when an internationa...
CAUTION: B.O. supporters won't like this joke. All others might. Israeli doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and...
The Valentine's Plea
Posted by eagleswings
The Valentine's Plea Hello there, Valentine Givers of the Cabana! Vermilion Valentine here. You can call me Verm, or "V.V." for short. Vermilion is the color of love. "Red" tha...
Daffy Political Definitions
Posted by eagleswings
Extreme Makeover--What Congress desperately needs. Obamacare--Another word for disaster. Fifty-nine--The answer to under the "O" in Democrat Bingo. Perks--It sure ain't coffee. Rules Co...
Common Sense
Posted by dramaqueen
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucrat...
Solving the Mid-life Crisis
Posted by ayden
AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 46YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 46 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED, AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK ...
Things Could Be Worse
Posted by ayden
A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was add...
White Lie Cake
Posted by ayden
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events: Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tus...
The Economy Is So Bad That -
Posted by ayden
The economy is so bad that: I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" CEO...
What would you like them to say?
Posted by DannyM
Ok, here is another one. Im sure most of you have heard these, lol Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket an...
Sleeping in church
Posted by DannyM
A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung over and tired, he finally nods off. The priest has been watching him al...